Stupid world, snarky comments.

6. McCain is the most pro-gun, pro-life, pro-war, pro-Jesus candidate
5. I’m more afraid of gays than global warming
4. Obama reminds me of Webster
3. McCain’s all white by me!
2. I really, really like Tina Fey
1. Stupid Diebold machine

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Brought to you by the poor, stupid hippies at Forbes:

The more Congress examines the Bush administration’s bailout plan, the hazier its outcome gets. At a Senate Banking Committee hearing Tuesday, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle complained of being rushed to pass legislation or else risk financial meltdown.

“The secretary and the administration need to know that what they have sent to us is not acceptable,” says Committee Chairman Chris Dodd, D-Conn. The committee’s top Republican, Alabama Sen. Richard Shelby, says he’s concerned about its cost and whether it will even work.

In fact, some of the most basic details, including the $700 billion figure Treasury would use to buy up bad debt, are fuzzy.

“It’s not based on any particular data point,” a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. “We just wanted to choose a really large number.”

Huh. This sounds awfully familiar. Where have I heard this before? Oh right. I think it went something like this:

Bush: Gentlemen, I have a plan. It’s called blackmail. The Royal Family of Saudi Arabia are the wealthiest oil barons in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it known that one of their princes, Osama bin Laden, is a terrorist hell bent on attacking the United States and provoking us into two unwinable wars in the Middle East.

Cheney: [clears throat to interrupt, speaks in lowered voice] Osama bin Laden *did* attack the United States. He admitted it on TV. We invaded two countries because of it.

Bush: [shrugs his shoulders]

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Mel Gibson’s movie Apocalypto [1] is set during the violent decline of the Maya civilization when thousands of human sacrifices were being made by barbaric rules in a desperate attempt to preserve their power. Somehow that sounds vaguely familiar, doesn’t it?

Apparently Mel Gibson had the same thought and used the Bush administration as inspiration, saying it callously plays on the nation’s insecurities to maintain power.

“The fear-mongering we depict in the film reminds me of President Bush and his guys”. [2]

Obviously that’s a bit hyperbolic. Neither Bush or Cheney are Jewish.

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According to a new British poll, the French are the most unfriendly, boring, and ungenerous people in the world. At least according to drunk and toothy British soccer hooligans.[1]

Wow. Who hurt you, England? Frankly, you sound a little like an embittered ex. We know it bothers you that France was sneaking around behind your back with Germany to dictate a Common Agricultural Policy [2]. That bothered everyone with a subscription to the Economist and no social life (not to be redundant). But it’s time to move on, forgive and forget, and go on a date. You should phone the Netherlands. Call a few minutes after 4:20 and invite them over for “muchies”. Guaranteed they’ll say yes.

Also hate to breakt it to you, England, but the only reason America cares what you say is that we’re too lazy and provincial to learn a foreign language. That, and we don’t have a lot of friends right now so we can’t afford to hurt our street cred by hanging out with Canada.

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