Hopkin Green Frog found dead

Hopkin Green Frog was a well-known ‘scarfer’

SEATTLE, WA (GC) — A nation-wide search for Hopkin Green Frog came to an end yesterday. A badly decomposed body found in the back yard of a Central District crack house has been positively identified as the missing Mr. Frog.

The State Medical Examiner’s office released details of the autopsy to the public Thursday afternoon. However, the cause of death for the fourteen-month-old male amphibian has yet to be determined.

“Initial tests point to dehydration as a likely cause of death” said a spokesman for the county coroner. Nevertheless the coroner listed several other factors that may also have contributed to death.

Among other things, the autopsy revealed signs of physical trauma. Hopkin had lacerations on his head and back, most likely from a house cat.

Police are questioning members of a commune after finding a green tambourine next to his body.

The toxicology report showed that Hopkin’s body contained large quantities of gnats, cough syrup (dextromethorphan), tequila, horse tranquilizers and Angel Dust. The combination of drugs is sometimes called the “Spanish Horsefly.”

A latex condom was also found tied tightly over mister Frog’s throat. “[The prophylactic] was most likely employed for purposes of auto-erotic asphyxiation” said the spokesman. Police refused to address rumors that Kobe Briant was being questioned in connection to Mr. Frog’s death.

An anonymous woman, identified only as an assistant crack whore, confirmed that “Hoppy G” was a well-known “scarfer”. “Oh my, yes. That was his favorite thing. He’d get loaded then find his way onto a city bus and just ride and scarf, scarf and ride. Oh sure, it was a lot of ridin’ – but it was still more scarfin’ than ridin’. And he’s a frog, right, so you could be sittin’ next to him and still not really know for sure what was goin’ on, looks wise. But oh my, did it sound just wrong. He’d get to croaking, and his back legs would get goin’ so he’d be popping up and down in his seat the whole time, air sacks flapping, a terrible racket. Hoppy called it ‘gigging’ – as if he could ever meet someone while doin’ that on a bus! You know, aside from the police.”

She further explained that “Hoppy G” had found Jesus and was trying to clean up his act, but was still deeply in debt.

Police are also questioning members of a commune that Mr. Frog was allegedly associated with, after finding a green tambourine next to his body.

The report also provided evidence that Hopkin Frog was repeatedly raped by three salamanders and a newt.